Lesbians Are So Sensational

How about this for a snappy headline:

Dead sperm donor liable for lesbian child support

What, exactly, is “lesbian child support,” you are undoubtedly asking yourself.

You’ll never guess, so I’ll tell you. It’s just regular old child support — the kind dudes never want to pay. Why does The Daily Telegraph call it “lesbian child support”? I sure as hell don’t know. Because lesbians are so hot and sensational or something? Put the word lesbian in a headline and men are foaming at the mouth to read it, as well as the homophobe evangelicals ready to use it for their hate propoganda.

It would all be very simple if they’d just cut out the bullshit red herrings about nuclear families and Jesus-approved heternormativity and whether or not sperm donors are dead. The fact that the dude’s original involvement amounted to him spunking in a cup? Irrelevant! The fact that the mother was in a committed relationship with a woman? Irrelevant! The fact that the dude has since dropped dead of a stroke? Irrelevant!

Hey girls! Don’t have kids you can’t afford! Hey dudes! Too cheap to support your spawn? Squirt it in a tubesock!

Hey news media! Can’t think of anything useful to write about?
There’s a war on!